How To Sever Cords of Attachment

I love. Verb. It’s what I do. It’s my energy. For a long time, I stored that love in other people, real and fictional, because I didn’t know I could invest it in myself. Until I exhausted myself pleasing other people. One day, I channeled it all back into myself and regained my power and happiness.

But I still felt a weight on my chest. Sometimes even a physical pull so strong I’d actually jerk forward like there was a giant fish hook in my heart. When we form relationships with people, we attach our energy to theirs with metaphysical cords. If paths divide and relationships end, those cords remain and can hold us back or become toxic and unhealthy.

I needed to let go of someone. As I’ve been working with energy, I tried a couple cord cutting rituals, unsure if they’d worked until I was sure they had not.

Last night, I was lying in bed when I had the idea to try a visualization related to this person. Instead of cords or rope, I closed my eyes and envisioned vines. Like weeds, they grew through my heart and out through my chest in one thick, twisted mass connecting my energy to his. I saw them. I felt them. And then I saw a startling flash that actually pulled me out of the moment. I knew it was working, but it took a second to figure out how to use that. I went back in and the bright yellow light came again. I saw the light drying out the vines. I felt them become frayed and brittle. I heard them splintering. Then, I envisioned myself pulling the vine straight out of my chest and it HURT. Wow. But it was out and I immediately felt lighter and free.

So here I am, holding this metaphysical vine that represented a love I never thought I’d feel AND that I had nurtured for almost 2 years. I am sentimental to a fault, but I had to destroy it. Cutting cords of attachment isn’t about leaving them lying about. This is meant to decimate energy connections. I envisioned a fire and I watched the dried vine burn.

And then I did something interesting. I surrounded the fire with stone, sort of creating a pyre in a fire pit. I transformed this connection I’d killed into a powerful love beacon meant to attract my equal, a true deserving partner.

It was exhausting, but I felt incredibly clear and light and free when it was done. There are lots of cord cutting rituals out there, and I’m no pro, but after getting frustrated with others, this one worked for me.

Here’s what to do:

  1. Be ready to let the person go. Without strong, clear intentions, you’re just going through the motions.
  2. Get comfortable. Sit, stand, lie down, breathe, light candles, burn incense, take a rose petal bubble bath- do whatever gets you into your calmest state. You don’t need to sit in lotus pose (unless that’s your calm space)!
  3. Invoke your protectors (because energy work is vulnerable stuff!)- whether it’s the elements, the divine, angels, spirit guides, invite them to surround you with white protective light and help you.
  4. Envision the cords in a way that calls to mind the specific person or relationship- for a family member, maybe it’s an umbilical cord or tissue. For a friend or lover, colored ribbon, the gold chain of a friendship bracelet, guitar string, ropes, or maybe the fish hook thing works for you. If nothing comes to mind, try envisioning their zodiac element as a physical cord like a burning rope for fire signs, a swirling vortex of air, a strong water current concentrated in your chest or branches, weeds, vines for Earth.(Note: if you have energy cords to cut with multiple people, don’t do them all at once. Focus on one relationship to hone your intent and ensure your ritual is successful. Do the next one another day.)
  5. See yourself destroying the cord. Pull it out. Tear it up. Burn it. Blow it up. Bury it. See it washing down a drain. Whatever feels powerful and gets it gone.
  6. Thank your protectors. They’re awesome.
  7. Relax and reward yourself. Have a glass of wine or eat a piece of dark chocolate because that was spiritually tough and you earned it.

If you’re not confident it worked or you feel that energy still with you after a few days, try it again with a new combination of mediation and visualization. Eventually, the energy will align and you’ll be able to complete your ritual. Rinse/repeat for any unwanted or negative attachments.

My Ass Looks Like a Rorschack Test

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The Screaming Demon of Derby leaves his dark mark of possession

It’s hard to imagine I will ever be good at this, but it’s important to remember when I was new. Saturday was my first time on skates. It felt like I’d been bestowed the power of flight. And crashing. My brain feels ready to be comfortable on my skates already, but my body needs to learn the skills. The intersection of frustration is where the brain feels ready to do something, but the body still needs to learn the skills. Or vice versa.

With running, my body knew what to do. We just had to convince Brain that we wanted to run and that we were enjoying it (we don’t and we never are). Last weekend, I ran a 15k an unprecedented 20 minutes faster than last year, under far worse conditions (rain, no music). On skates, I want to fly, but my legs just do that cartoonish twisty baby giraffe on wheels thing.

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Meet my new friends

I now have a solid idea how hard this is going to be. Still, I’ve never wanted anything more. I’m looking forward to mastering T-Stops. Stopping seems to easy for everyone else, but I didn’t fall until I tried them. My wheels feel clunky and uncompromising. They don’t want to give me friction. They just want to STOP. And down I go. Stay low.

Stay low.

Hands on kneepads. Stay low.

A New Chapter

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Through this door, your life’s about to change.

From the moment I heard the thunder of skates, derby had me. Immediately, I saw myself bursting through a paper banner to deafening roars from the crowd, making the rounds to Sparks Are Gonna Fly, skating backwards while swallowing fire (just kidding. That’s dangerous. Maybe). It wasn’t “I want to do this;” it was “I have to do this.”

I was volunteering at the first bout of the season to learn more about the sport, meet some skaters, ask questions and generally see if it was something I actually wanted to do. I’ve never  I wasn’t expecting the contact rush of adrenaline or the welcoming community of badass women who didn’t treat me as an outsider even as I asked a thousand questions- sometimes more than once- and then still not-so-stealthily googled gestures or terms as they happened.

I made a very patient friend that night. She invited me to a meet & greet the following Friday, which I almost didn’t go to because social anxiety. But I recruited a pal and got myself settled with a beer and met a few other skaters. The next day I walked into Five Stride and got outfitted with a rookie package before going to the warehouse to watch the level 3 skaters scrimmage (and a lot more googling).

To say I’m Fresh Meat feels a bit far too advanced. I am raw- not even butchered- meat. It’s safer to assume I’ve never been on skates than to try to remember when I last strapped a pair to my feet, but I imagined it would feel the same as it does when I’m in the water- part of it, made to move in it. Not so. As OMG WTF helped me up in my skates and I realized I could not let go of her hands, my fire skating carney/derby dreams dissolved into visions of myself landing on my face in the ashes.

I am not a patient person. If I am not immediately good at something, I get frustrated and give up. It’s why I can’t play an instrument more advanced than a kazoo. As I stood there, wobbling to find my center, I understood this about myself. But roller derby doesn’t feel like despondent piano lessons or the cheap Fender bass my mom dusted off and sold at a yard sale years ago.

Roller derby feels like fire in my chest. Even if my feet don’t know it yet. I can barely imagine doing some of the footwork I’ve seen the advanced girls do. Hell, I can’t imagine propelling myself forward on skates without a slightly warped floor and gravity.

The first question I’ve been getting from everyone is “aren’t you afraid to fall?” No. Falling is inevitable. I know I’ll fall. A lot. I’m afraid I’m going to quit. So I’m going to document this journey from the very beginning because I am in LOVE with this thing I can not yet do. In 11 weeks when I can (hopefully) make it around the track and stop without running into walls, I want to remember that moment in the skate shop when I couldn’t even stand on wheels by myself. And I want to apply that memory to every frustration I have in the next round of Basic Training. And the next. And tryouts. And one day, with a team of supportive and fierce ladies who all started out wobbling.

13 Pokemon That Look Like Dicks

In honor of Pokemon’s 20th anniversary and the announcement of Pokemon Sun and Moon, I’ve compiled the top most phallic Pokemon.

011Metapod

011 Metapod
If the Jolly Green Giant had Jolly Green Genitals that became sentient, that’s this. And with signature moves like “Harden,” Metapod leaves nothing to the imagination.

600px-014Kakuna

014 Kakuna
Just look at that shiny, smooth bulbous head. Maybe more of a butt plug, actually?

050Diglett

050 Diglett
#thatlookslikeadick

1200px-162Furret

162 Furret
Soft. Furry. Likes narrow spaces.

1200px-185Sudowoodo

185 Sudowoodo
From the Japanese meaning “pseudo wood.”

1200px-202Wobbuffet

202 Wobbuffet
This Pokemon is a literal representation of blue balls.

213Shuckle

213 Shuckle
At my old agency, there was a Creative Director who would get drunk and expound his ideas for insane sex toys. One was an interconnected series of sockets that met in the middle known as the Dick Dock. This is that. Preorder yours today!

1200px-224Octillery

224 Octillery
You’re a little turned on. Admit it. I am.

1200px-256Combusken

256 Combusken
If this isn’t a dick and balls with claws, I know nothing.

308Medicham

308 Medicham
MEDICHAM: the groundbreaking new treatment in fertility! Ask your doctor today. Side effects may include warts.

321Wailord

321 Wailord
Incoming! Literally.

1200px-346Cradily

346 Cradily
Artist: *draws a dick*
CEO: Good, but missing something.
Artist: *draws 8 more dicks*
CEO: …it’s so beautiful *tears*

1200px-602Tynamo

602 Tynamo
Guys. That mouth. Would teeth make this look less like a dick or just like a more terrifying one?

13 Pokemon That Look Like Dicks first appeared on Buzzfeed Community.

Friday Five- Sloths from Space!

Why do short weeks feel so long? I was off Monday so I spent the day absorbed in various space adventures and writing poems about space. Seems like from the moment Bowie died there’s been a lot of cosmic energy tingling my fingertips and everything I write reaches the galaxies. Among the stars- good place to be.

The five things I’m loving this week include sloths and space. If anyone can create a game about sloths in space, I will get on board as writer, editor and big idea-er! Can we make this happen?

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via Not From Caves

1. Sloth art! A coworker snapped a ceramic sloth at a coffee shop in Brooklyn and I waiting for her at her desk with a litany of questions. After the slothterrogation, she wisely returned to the coffee shop and picked up a card for me. That’s the story of how I discovered the whimsical slothtastic art of Not From Caves.

2.Out There Somewhere. This game is so wonderfully challenging and the music reminds me of a fist-pumping-Taio-Cruz-at-the-Jersey-Shore era jam. It’s short, but worth a play. My goal is to get really good at it and do speedruns. Maybe.

3. FIGHT MILK! Fight like a crow. Made fresh by bodyguards (and Charlie).

I just watched It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia in its entirety and cannot recommend it enough. I rarely love a whole show, but these characters are such engaging, awful people and so representative of Philly I’m always cracking up. Every ep is gold.

4. Speaking of Philly, I’m going back for my 2nd year of running the Hot Chocolate 15k (that’s 9.6 miles)! I’m raising funds for charity here (note they don’t take AmEx or Paypal). Throw a few bucks in to help Ronald McDonald House Charities and keep families with sick children focused on the health of their kids. Please donate if you can and share the link either way!

5. The Deadly Tower of Monsters. As a fan of the 70’s era B film aesthetic, I’ve been waiting for this game. And it’s on sale! Star in your own Sci-Fi cult classic and battle REAL monsters that TOTALLY don’t have zippers on their backs. The “director’s commentary” makes a solid addition. Hilarious! Good writing! (Have I mentioned my dream of writing a game? Any artists/devs/musicians out there? I’ve already got a few solid story and character concepts. Just saying.)

Friday Five – Art & Loss

This was a week filled with sad news. Aside from losing David Bowie and Alan Rickman, I lost my Uncle Buddy. He was 91 and the last of his group to go. But we’re still here and need to keep going forward. Here’s five things I’m loving this week.

  1. Obscene Art History Tours. The fam paid a visit this weekend so I took Mom, Sis and StepDad to MoMa where I proceeded to insult classic works of modern art until my mother cried with laughter. I have a deep love and appreciation for art. I routinely ask for museum memberships as gifts because I love spending long afternoons sitting among art while I write or analyzing various works. Seeing The Persistence of Memory up close in real life gave me chills. Art doesn’t have to be intimidating or pretentious. It’s just as fun to walk around and point out buttholes in still life paintings.

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2. Pocket Mortys. You knew this would be on the list again. It’s a super solid Pokemon parody featuring Rick and Morty. However, my favorite part of it has been picking apart the spelling and grammatical errors because I’m a word nerd.

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3. Peach. I’m obsessed with this sure-to-be flash-in-the-pan new social network. It’s a fun way to share photos, what you’re doing/watching/playing, where you are, what you’re thinking and tack a gif onto it all at once in a minimalist feed with no ads (yet!). You can find me on Peach as Carneyvorous, of course.

4. Journal. The idea is to write, make or doodle something every day. It’s not as easy as you’d think. I did this last year and made it until the end of July. The year before, I made it through March. This year, I’m going to do this. I use a 2016 Daily Moleskine Pocket notebook in purple obviously because it’s the color of royalty and insanity. The pocket size is ideal for this project because it’s extra portable (no excuses!) and a smaller page is less intimidating. The goal is to keep it positive and rewire my brain to stop jumping to dark places filled with negative thoughts. So far I’ve drawn my positive attributes as a fruity cocktail, written a poem for David Bowie, penned letters to former lovers and taped powerball ticket origami onto a page as tangible proof of HOPE. I’m in a very noncommittal place this last year so this is my commitment!

5. This quote.

“A film, a piece of theater, a piece of music, or a book can make a difference. It can change the world.” – Alan Rickman

The Old Kind of Tattoos

A few years ago while I was working on a research project at the amusement park I worked for, I stumbled upon this photo called “The Old Kind Of Tattoos” a stranger posted on some crazy niche industry forums about Wildwood in its glory days.

theoldkindoftattoos

We lost my Uncle Buddy this week. He was 91. The last of his group. The last of the Greatest Generation in my family.

He used to hand-paint old-fashioned temporary tattoo transfers and sell them at a rickety little stand on the boardwalk. The first time he ever applied one on me, I was so afraid it was going to hurt (and he may have played up that fear just a little- he was silly like that). I remember the stickiness of the tattoo on my arm, the cool, wet sponge and then incredibly, the art was on my skin and the paper was perfectly clean, if not a little slimy. It was SO COOL. I spent hours playing in his tattoo storage closet, swimming waist deep in Ninja Turtles, Mickey Mouses, dragons, Bart Simpson heads, snakes coiled around daggers and MOM hearts. I examined them all and stood on my toes next to his work station to watch him paint. Each one was slightly different. Not a single one was perfect, a product of the slightest tremor or shift in focus.

I have two family photos always displayed. One is my grandparents sitting on the beach. The other is my grandfather and Uncle Buddy manning a machine gun.

My grandparents met shortly before my grandfather enlisted in the Marines at a round robin dance. The ladies formed a circle in the middle and the men formed an outer circle and whoever you ended up in front of was your dance partner for that song. My grandfather landed in front of Mimi. After their first dance, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to dance as well with anyone else. Each round, he shuffled around the circle so he’d always land in front of her. They married shortly before he deployed for the South Pacific.

While on deployment, Grampi was stationed with Uncle Buddy and he went on and on about his wonderful wife and the letters they constantly exchanged. Uncle Buddy decided he wanted a lovely lady to write letters to and asked Grampi if Mimi had any friends. He began writing his letters to Mimi’s sister, Aunt Redda. And they got married when he returned from war.

That’s what the Greatest Generation did. They went to war and they came home and reveled in their families and hard work. They were extraordinary men and women who lived simply, happily, beautifully. They took pride in their work and found joy in watching a little girl flex her sad little bicep and feel like a badass for the first time in her life because she had a droopy Ninja Turtle inked on her arm.

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RIP Uncle Buddy. I’m glad you’re all together again.

The Fool

I’ve never been the kind of fool
who could abandon
a bad idea—

flush goldfish just because

I’m tired          of trying          to remember
to keep them alive.

But plenty of goldfish
have died.

Forgetting is another matter altogether
in any weather         whether you lose

or forget to keep
you’ve still got still gills

and a long sleep.

Friday Five: Ch-ch-ch-changes

Nothing gets my hips swaying like a melancholy baritone. Saxophones immediately transport me to darkened alleyways glimmering with post-rain mystery. Cellos sound like the comfort and anxious energy of a small dark room. With my body rocking like a perpetual pendulum this week, here are five things I’m loving!

1. You Bred Raptors? I was introduced to a friend of a friend’s band this week who play experimental instrumentals under a name referencing Jurassic Park (albums include Grant, Hammond, Lex & Tim and Muldoon!). Obviously, I was way down for this. It’s three dudes who play a monster 8-string bass, drums and cello. They wear masks which change with each song. A lot of their stuff sounds like scores for unwritten cult films or video games. I highly recommend you check out them out!

2. I just bought this badass bodysuit and cannot wait to rock the hell out it.

3. Blackstar- Happy Birthday, David Bowie! Bowie hath gifted us with a new album today and I’m pretty much diggin’ it. I was lucky enough to score tickets to Lazarus, a stage production Bowie co-wrote inspired by The Man Who Fell to Earth by Walter Tevis, so I got to hear Michael C. Hall sing some of these new songs with incredible Bowiesque precision a couple weeks ago. It was marvelous. Just a bloody brilliant piece of theater. Check out Blackstar, get tickets to Lazarus if you can and come to Bowie’s birthday party tonight at Rough Trade NYC.

4. Pocket Mortys. LOOK, guys. LOOK AT ALL THE MORTYS.
MortysPosterFINAL1

I’ve never gotten excited over a mobile game before and most of me still wishes this could be on steam or 3DS or ANY platform other than mobile… BUT this combines a game style I love with a show a adore so I’m going to allow it. Out next week on iOS and Android.

5. I got the criffiest crif dog ever.

Lil Ma and cheesy tots from Crif Dogs
Lil Ma and cheesy tots by Crif Dogs

Shut up. I go to the gym 5 days a week so I can eat bacon wrapped hot dogs smothered in peanut butter and topped with potato chips with a big ol’ side of cheesy tots. Some things are just worth it, guys.

2015 Credits

2015 was a year. Pretty sure I didn’t sleep for a minute and the only way I can describe 2015 involves the word “heaving” and the visual of rolling a boulder up a mountain using every spectral fiber of my soul. This means I am incredibly strong. It also means I am incredibly tired. But I also got everything I wanted, everything I worked the last 6 years for, right down to some insanely nuanced and mindbendingly coincidental details.

What I did // Ran TWO 15ks (and beat my time by a solid 7 minutes). Attended a fancy wedding. Moved the fuck back to NYC after 6 YEARS of working to make that happen (and I am never leaving again). Joined a skeeball league (and won the East Village championships!). Locked down a sweet new professional gig that pays my bills and keeps Muldoon rollin’ in kibbles. Saw Django Django, Tame Impala, The Black Keys, The Foo Fighters and the Suicide Girls Blackheart Burlesque. Started a blog again. Fell in love with someone I’d never met (then actually met him and preferred the cartoon version. Womp womp…). Found my muse again. Cooked my first Thanksgiving meal! Went to NYCC (and wouldn’t do it again).

Most-played albums // Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds * Chasing Yesterday. Tame Impala * Currents * Lonerism. Sloan * Never Hear the End of It. Django Django * Django Django * Born Under Saturn. The Bravery * The Sun & The Moon. Broken Bells * Broken Bells * After the Disco. Fly Golden Eagle * Quartz. The Dandy Warhols * Welcome to the Moneky House * Earth to the Dandy Warhols. Material Issue * Destination Universe. Nerf Herder * American Cheese. Blur * The Magic Whip.

Most-loved shows & films // American Horror Story! Scream Queens. JURASSIC WORLD (I cried. More than once). X-Files- rewatched the entire series over spring. Jessica Jones! Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The Hateful 8. Unreal.

Top purchases // Majora’s Mask edition New Nintendo 3DS XL (My annual Galentine’s Day gift to myself). Burlesque classes. Indiebox subscription (highly recommend!). Deviant Moon tarot deck.

Style obsessions // RED LIPS. Wearable art. Retro. Gamer bounding. Cartoon colors and jewel tones. Cracked faux leather. A-line dresses. Doc Martens.

Best things I did for myself // Stopped living to please other people! Kept up running. Went back to the gym. Moved back to New York.

Top games // Destiny (Xbox One). Dyscourse (Steam). Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (3DS). Shovel Knight (3DS). TriForce Heroes (3DS). Splatoon (WiiU). Super Smash Bros (3DS/WiiU). Fallout 4 (Xbox One). Armello (Steam).

2016 will be a year of recalibrating, reestablishing my life here and rediscovering myself without allowing others the power to define me. I’m going to write here more, submit my poems to some journals, travel a bit and have countless exciting things happen and awkward moments.

What will you do?