I’ve always been comfortable in my pain with a habit of holding onto situations or relationships that are wrong for me because it’s familiar. Safer than venturing into the unknown. But this year, no more waiting for change that won’t come. No more hoping for things to fix themselves. It’s time to liberate myself from my darkness.
I’m liberating myself from a body I’m uncomfortable in by challenging myself to run every day.
I’m no longer holding myself hostage in other people’s expectations.
No more shackling myself to unhappy, unhealthy relationships.
I’m done mentally and emotionally imprisoning myself in my past.
2019 was really freaking hard, you guys. This year slowly drained my energy to the point where by November, I was having a tough time getting out of bed every day. Marriage is not easy and I’m actually not even really sure I’m cut out for it. I didn’t have the creative freedom I wanted so my blog and writing in general suffered. A lot of great things DID happen, but I know I could have seen much greater success if I had the support, mental capacity and energy to bring my full self into my projects.
Themes of the year Judgement – This card appeared most frequently in my tarot readings. For me, that represented a deep healing that I went through. A heartache I thought I was past time and time again over the last decade, finally came to a close. And I know it this time because finally feel true peace when I think about him. I no longer feel the need to live a life that would impress him or prove him wrong. With healing comes learning, and I know I’m meant for more than I’ve fallen into.
Most-played albums // Bush*Black and White Rainbows + all the other albums, of course / The Shelters*Jupiter Sidecar / The Dandy Warhols*Why You So Crazy / Battle Tapes*Polygon / The Alarm*Sigma
Most-loved shows & films // The Mandalorian / The Marvelous Mrs. Masiel / Stranger Things S3 / Modern Love / Captain Marvel / The Umbrella Academy /
Places I traveled // Austin, TX / Iceland / San Fransisco / San Diego / Philly for my 5th consecutive Hot Chocolate 15k! /
Live shows I attended // Beck / Cage the Elephant / The Dandy Warhols / Bush / Live /
Breweries Visited // Other Half (NYC) / Transmitter (NYC) / Brooklyn Brewing (NYC) / Coney Island Brewery’s gorgeous new taproom (NYC) / Interboro (NYC) / Captain Lawrence Brewing (Elmsford NY) / Grimm Artisanal Ales (NYC) / Gusto Brewing Co (Cape May NJ) / Cape May Brewing Co (Cape May NJ) / Ballast Point Brewing Co (San Diego CA) / Sixpoint Brewing (NYC) / Alewife (NYC) / Lazarus Brewing Co (Austin TX) / Rockaway Brewing Co (NYC) / Five Boroughs Brewing (NYC) / Big aLICe (NYC) / Microbar (Iceland) / Skuli Craft House (Iceland) / Mikkellar and Friends (Iceland) / Stone Brewing (Sand Diego) / COHO Brewing (CMCH NJ) / 21st Amendment (San Fran CA) / Circa (NYC)
Last year, I chose MAKE as my intention. That word grounded everything I did, resulting in a lot of major successes – especially in the making money arena!
But 2018 was still full of a lot of truly draining challenges, which is why I chose TRANSCEND for 2019.
Transcending is all about staying centered throughout the chaos around you and not letting the things you can’t control knock you off course. You can’t control the people around you, but you can rise above their negativity, their drama and their expectations.
It also means going beyond your own expectations for yourself – beyond what you think you’re capable of. I’m going to push myself to grow professionally at an exponential rate. Transcend my mental and physical blockers to push my body to new achievements. I’m going to knock on the doors of NO and turn them into YESes.
This year was kind of all over the place, but ended up balanced. It was full of both unprecedented happiness and frustration. Many of my goals saw success and the frustrations illuminated new areas for me to work on. And I’m setting up my 2019 to tackle those things head on.
But let’s look back at the highlights of 2018 first!
Most-played albums // Bush*Black and White Rainbows + all the other albums, of course / Gorillaz*Humanz / Band of Skulls*By Default / The Dead Deads*Rainbeau + For Your Obliteration / Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds*Who Built the Moon / The Orwells*Disgraceland + Terrible Human Beings / ZZ Ward*The Storm / A Perfect Circle*Eat The Elephant / Beck*Colors
Most-loved shows & films // Black Mirror. The Commuter. The Good Place. The Handmaid’s Tale. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (it grew on me). Glow S2. Jane The Virgin. Nailed It. Orange is the New Black. Disenchantment. American Vandal S2 (hilarious). The Haunting of Hill House 😱 Dexter. Breaking Bad.
Breweries Visited // Big aLICe (LIC) / Transmitter (LIC) / LIC Beer Project (LIC) / Coney Island Brewery (Brooklyn) / Departed Soles (Jersey City) / Flagship (Staten Island) / Killsboro (Staten Island) / Mudhen (Wildwood NJ) / Interboro (Brooklyn) / Grimm’s Artisan Ales (Brooklyn) / Hapas Brewing Co (San Jose, CA) / KCBC (Brooklyn) / Other Half (Brooklyn) / Evil Twin (Philly) / Circa (Brooklyn) / Strong Rope (Brooklyn) / Banger Brewery (Las Vegas) / Brieux Carre (New Orleans) / Braven Brewing (Brooklyn)
Top purchases // My Passion Planner. MealPal. The Eight Coins Tattoo Tarot (signed edition) – the Eight Coins was my eighth deck and I’m an 8 in numerology – what a powerful sign! An Amazon Fire 8 tablet – sure cuts down the clutter of all the books I’ve been reading! This Pokemon tarot deck for Glux’s birthday. A new vacuum (so adult). Backing BOI: Four Souls card game. New renegade cooling system – I upgraded my AC and bought a vornado for the bedroom to circulate the air. My money manifesting wallet. This super cute little radio – It’s been YEARS since I listened to FM radio (it has bluetooth too. Mixing modern and vintage 📻). Moleskine x Nintendo rolltop backpack. Wedding bands!
Goals achieved // Saved $5000 (and THEN some)! Sister tattoos. Hit a 6 figure salary WOOOOOOO!
Style obsessions // Ponchos (so cozy!). New York Black – I created a work uniform that consists of 5 black dresses in different styles that I can change up with funky jewelry, leggings and various accessories – paired with gold – lots of gold! Carnival flavored lip glosses (a la my middle school Lip Smackers days) like cotton candy. Mirrored cat eye sunnies. Handbags that look like cartoon snacks (thanks Betsey Johnson and TokiDoki). Barbie Pink pedis. Makeup made from crystals.
Best things I did for myself // Took vitamins (almost) every day. Cut back on sugar, alcohol and caffeine. Canceled cable (sorry not sorry, Ryan). #NoSpendFeb! Took a pole dancing class in Vegas. Started learning guitar. Crystal bed therapy. Meditation.
Top games // Splatoon 2 (Switch). Bayonetta + Bayonetta 2 (Switch). South Park: The Fractured But Whole (Switch). Octopath Traveler – I mained Primrose the badass stripper (Switch). Pokemon Go (mobile). Jurassic World: Alive (mobile). Salt and Sanctuary (Switch). Shadow of the Tomb Raider (PS4). Jurassic World: Evolution (PS4). Hollow Knight (Switch). Fallout 76 (PS4). Red Dead Redemption 2 (PS4). Animal Crossing Pocket Camp (mobile). Super Smash Bros (Switch).
I’ve been starting each month with Gala Darling’s Radical Self Love Almanac. October is all about embracing luxury. Amazingly, after filling out my chapter for the month, I pulled the Empress for my tarot of the month ritual. She’s all about – you guessed it! – luxury! So from the first of the month, I’ve been in a luxe state of mind.
Less than two weeks after I accepted this energy, I’ve had many opulent experiences come my way.
On October 2nd, I was invited to a preview party for the holiday Sugarfina line. It was held at Park Avenue – a swank restaurant that changes with the seasons. They served endless champagne, some of the most delicious and inventive hor d’oeuvres, AND let us sample all the candy we could handle. I discovered their chocolate covered popcorn and developed an addiction to a forthcoming gingerbread cookie bites. At the end of the night, they gifted us a bunch of candy and let us send a free candy bento to a friend.
Last weekend my mom and sister treated me to spa day at the Sea Spa in Cape May. We got our nails done – I picked a gold that literally looks like my fingertips were dipped in gold leaf – and then we got hour-long facials. It felt glorious! But the best part was getting to spend time with my sister.
This week, I was ready to make a hair appointment – and my haircuts cost around $300 because hair like mine requires the curl experts. Just before I was going to make the call, the salon emailed me that they needed hair models. So not only did I get the haircut I desperately needed, but it was FREE! So I treated myself to a bottle of their amazing leave in conditioner to treat my hair to the decadence it deserves.
I’ve been diligently using my Passion Planner to keep track of my life, my goals and my progress. I chose a word at the beginning of the year to embody my intentions. What have I been able to manifest so far?
Art – I’ve kept up my goal of writing here at a regular cadence. I learned some lettering techniques and doodle in my bujo instead of just writing down ideas and appointments. Now I have a guitar so I’m slowly making music too!
Plans – Well here’s a big one. I’m currently making WEDDING plans. I had no idea that would be a thing at the start of the year. Additionally, I planned time with my sister to get tattoos. Time with friends by planning regular DnD sessions, starting a new skeeball team, and returning to a monthly Nintendo MeetUp cadence.
Memories – I post to Instagram a lot less, and when I do, it’s after the fact. At concerts, I don’t record. I take a few photos to post later, but spend the vast majority of my time in the moment.
Friends – By prioritizing time with the awesome friends I’ve got, my social circle has expanded a little. At work, I invite colleagues for a post-work drink to get to know them as people.
Money – My little Rover business has really taken off! Last year, I had 2 new clients total. In just the first half of this year, I’ve gotten EIGHT new clients, as well as my regulars. Money is flowing to me easily this year.
This is the actual cake I ordered from Butter Lane
On Sunday, I enter my 34th year of this kick ass life. I’ve been going through some shit lately and decided my word for April would be RECALIBRATE. April tends to be a cozy month where I settle into old patterns and lose all the good new habits I’ve formed. Glux came up with the brilliant idea of a Rebirthday – looking at our birthdays (which are one day apart) as our personal New Year.
So in the spirit of my Rebirthday and recalibration, I’ve set some intentions.
In 34 I will: Do more magic!
I miss having more rituals in my life. Lately I feel like I had more rituals in high school than I do now and back then I was in the broom closet! Aside from a handful of rituals, I haven’t practiced much. AND I want to share more spells here.
Breathe and meditate.
I feel stronger when my intuition is on point. Lately I’ve been feeling unbalanced. My goal is to set a regular time and space where I can take at least 5 minutes to center myself.
Stop letting anger win.
I’m genetically predisposed to explosive anger. I hold things in as long as I can and then when I finally snap, I burn the whole damn place to ashes. Sometimes I can’t forgive myself for the things I do and say. It feels like relationships are permanently damaged and there’s no way to fix them. Regrets like that don’t have a place in my life. I’m determined to talk it out, or journal it out and not light the fuse.
Take better care of my body
It’s not just about working out. My gym time always makes me feel fantastic. But along with my vitamin habit, I need to eat more greens and less sugar (after birthday cake, of course!). Cutting back on the alcohol wouldn’t hurt either, though Sunday Sips might need to stay a thing.